I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
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