i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
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