Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
You're like the curious george of whores
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
