He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
i think i scared a bird with my dick
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
Randomize
