so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
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