We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
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