How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
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