Gayer than 8 guys blowing 9 guys
wow, that really makes you stop and think.
woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
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