If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
