I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
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