Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
Randomize
