like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Randomize
