I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
Randomize
