Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
Randomize
