I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
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