You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
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