I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
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Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
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At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
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