this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
