My balls are so social today.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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