We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
Randomize