Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
