she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
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