Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
