i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
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