plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
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