I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize
