i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
