you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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