He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
are you so shy because you have an std?
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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