everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
Randomize
