just tell him i said nine months
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
Randomize
