There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
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