I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
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