I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Randomize
