i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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