went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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