She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
