we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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