My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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