She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
Floor bacon is actually really good
Randomize
