Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Randomize
