You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Randomize