Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
So apparently I’m into choking now
Randomize
