my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Randomize
