I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Randomize
