Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
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