I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Randomize
