I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
Terrible idea I love it
Randomize
