And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
You smell like a Billy Joel song
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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