I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
Randomize
