Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
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We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
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You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
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