I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
if only i could text you this smell
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
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he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
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Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
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