I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
We had sex on a dog bed..
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
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