I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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