I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
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He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
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