Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
Randomize
