Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
Randomize
