Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
I just want to make out with him forever
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
Randomize
