can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
Randomize
