got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Randomize
