Help. Asians are flirting in front of me(773): They speak asian
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
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