so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
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i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
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