wat bout pragnant strippers??
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
3pm strippers are depressing
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
