We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
Randomize
