Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
