she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
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