Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
Randomize
