K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
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