There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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