it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Randomize
